A Eulogy for Conrad The Raccoon
Plus death and scandal in Rosedale, more updates on our threatened landmarks, and more...
I got one of the weirdest emails of my life last week. Museum of Toronto was asking me to deliver a eulogy for a long-dead raccoon. It’s been nine years since Conrad The Raccoon passed away and went viral on social media. You might remember him. He lay dead on a busy downtown sidewalk all day, prompting people to create a makeshift memorial for him on that spot. And since Mueum of Toronto’s current exhibit — Toronto Gone Wild — is dedicated to exploring our city’s wildlife, they had decided to organize a commemorative event to mark the anniversary of his death. That’s how I ended up at the museum on Tuesday night, delivering Conrad’s eulogy. I thought I’d share my little speech in this week’s newsletter:
What can I say about Conrad The Raccoon? I don’t believe I ever had the pleasure of meeting him personally. I imagine it's likely that no one in this room ever did — at least, not in life. And yet, he's someone who still has the power, nine years after he passed away — on that tragic day of July 9, 2015; taken from us too soon, I know, too young… who still, nine years later, has the power to bring us all together here tonight, in his memory. A raccoon who, in death, took his place in the pantheon of Toronto's most beloved and fuzziest celebrities, alongside Darwin the Ikea Monkey, Bonnie & Clyde the escaped capybaras, and the white squirrels of Trinity-Bellwoods Park.
There were, I’m sure, many things that made Conrad special. And there’s a lot to miss about him: the way he'd wash his food with his little paws before eating it; his passion for the finest in back alley cuisine; the blood-curdling screams he would unleash in the dead of the night.
But I think a lot of why we hold him so dear in our hearts is that he seemed — and I hope, if your spirit is with us tonight Conrad, you don't take this the wrong way — like an ordinary raccoon. So, he gave us a chance to put a face and a name to the countless anonymous raccoons with whom we share our city.
Toronto has been called "“the raccoon capital of the world.” In one zombie film franchise we literally played the role of “Raccoon City.” You can’t live here very long at all before getting a raccoon story or two of your own — we know that because Museum of Toronto has asked people to share them as part of their exhibit. I imagine everyone here tonight has a tale to tell. And while the mischievous critters often get a bad rap, Conrad gave the city a chance to come together in tribute to one of our furry comrades.
Conrad came from a long and noble line of raccoons. His ancestors were living here long before Toronto was founded, already had their own relationship with the First Nations for countless generations before then. They were already here when the first settlers arrived. And so, Conrad's family history is intertwined with the human history of our city. His great-grandparents, great aunts and uncles, and distant cousins have all feasted on our garbage bins, moved into our attics, scared our dogs… Their stories are our stories; you'll even find some of them in the exhibit.
It was the forebearers of today's raccoons — including Conrad — who lived in our ravines and river valleys back in the days when, believe it or not, they were a rare sight in our streets. It wasn’t until the 1920s that his ancestors really began to invade our neighbourhoods. When a raccoon was spotted eating someone’s garbage in 1925, it was big news. The authorities captured it and put it on public display at the Riverdale Zoo. But by the 1950s, Conrad’s ancestors were everywhere. And in the 1970s, they manned the barricades when East York declared war on them, saying that any raccoon that was successfully trapped wouldn’t be released, but killed. The raccoons won that war. The councillor who introduced the motion lost the next election — running for mayor against a candidate who didn’t support the war. And so, Conrad’s relatives continue to make history today.
It must have been one of his distant cousins who climbed into a coffee shop ceiling to reach down and steal some donuts off the counter back in 2015. And another of his relatives who ascended seven hundred feet into the sky above Front Street, climbing all the way up to the top of a crane to relieve itself — surely one of the most spectacular bathroom breaks in the entire history of our nation. (In fact, that happened just a couple of months before Conrad died — so there's even a very small chance it was him.)
Living in our human city has changed those raccoons. You can read about it in the exhibit. City raccoons are bigger, bolder, and more agile than their country cousins. And in return, they've changed us, too. They've made us better city-dwellers. And I don't just mean they've forced us to build better green bins. I mean that I think they've actually made us better people.
Especially Conrad.
We don't know how he died. I suppose he probably got hit by a car? But I like to imagine he spent his final moments doing what he loved best — maybe gorging himself on fresh trash. Or that he came to some heroic end — maybe a dramatic showdown with an evil stray cat or while taking down an international crime ring. (If this was murder, Conrad, we will find your killer.) But what made him famous, of course, isn’t how he died but what happened next. And it all started with the way our city failed him.
I'm sure some of you remember that day. He was first spotted in the early morning as people went to work downtown. He was lying there on the sidewalk at the corner of Yonge & Church. And that's where he would stay for the next fourteen hours before someone from the city finally came to collect him.
Some of the people who worked at a tech company across the street could see him there out their window all through the morning, hour after hour, still unclaimed. They had already called animal services, but nothing had happened. So at lunchtime they decided to highlight that fact by making a little memorial for him. They got a condolence card, a rose, and a framed photo of a happy raccoon to leave by his side. It took off from there. All through the afternoon and the evening, the tributes poured in as the people of the city embraced him. They signed his card, left their own messages, lit candles once it got dark. Some even donated money for a proper burial. Strangers were lined up down the street to get their photo taken with this dead raccoon.
It was so weird and so morbid, but also somehow deeply heartwarming at the same time.
I think that’s in part because Conrad didn't just become a symbol for all of our city's raccoons that day, but for all of us, for all Torontonians. Too often, our city can feel like an impersonal, even uncaring place — I’m sure we've all felt it on our worst days. And even though it’s a very strange thing to say, as Conrad lay there forgotten on that sidewalk, I think we could all kind of see ourselves in that poor little dead raccoon.
He gave us a chance to show a different side of Toronto: a more joyful side. To show our warmth, our love, our compassion… maybe some of our sense of humour, too. Conrad highlighted the ways in which our city sometimes fails us… and on that day nine years ago, ordinary people stepped in to fill that gap with kindness.
So, may the memory of Conrad The Raccoon be a reminder that we all have that power — and may it push us to build a better city, a kinder city, a more hopeful city. To live up to the promise made on the very first note left at Conrad's side that day, a message I think we all deserve to hear in our moments of need:
“Rest dear raccoon. Help is on the way from the city.”
The Toronto Gone Wild exhibit is co-curated by Jennifer Bonnell and Amy Lavender-Harris (who you might remember from my Festival of Bizarre Toronto History). The show runs at Museum of Toronto until August 3 and is free to visit. They’re open Wednesday to Saturday from 12pm to 6pm. You can learn more about the exhibit here.
The Toronto Star’s Mark Colley attended the memorial and wrote about it for The Toronto Star here. And much longer ago, BuzzFeed’s Craig Silverman compiled an impressive oral history of the day Conrad died here.
Death & Scandal In Rosedale — A Walking Tour
I’m planning a new walking tour! As one of the city's most affluent neighbourhoods, Rosedale has long been home to millionaires and billionaires. But it's also filled with secrets. On this tour, we'll uncover the tales of shocking scandals and grisly deaths hidden among the stately old mansions, from murder mysteries to illicit affairs to killer goats. And along the way, we'll learn about how those strange stories have shaped Rosedale and the city beyond.
When: Saturday, July 20 at 3pm.
Where: Meet in Lawren Harris Park — at 145 Rosedale Valley Road. The tour will last about 1.5 to 2 hours.
Price: Pay what you like.
Thank you so much to all the wonderful people who support The Toronto History Weekly with a paid subscription! The number has been inching up recently — but if you haven’t already made the swtich, the newsletter does need your help! It’s only by growing the number of paid subscriptions that I’ll be able to continue creating it. You can make the switch by clicking right here:
My New Online Course Starts Soon!
Canada might be famous for its winters, but Toronto comes alive when the weather gets warm. Our city was once billed as "the most delightful summer city" on the continent. And those few hot months between Victoria Day and the CNE have had a profound impact on this place: from heated legal battles over skinny dipping to the legacy of killer summer storms to the joyful festivals that have reflected the changing face of the city over the last two hundred years. And so, in this online course we'll spend four nights exploring some of the most fascinating, most revealing and weirdest stories from the history of summers in Toronto.
The course will kick off on the night of Thursday, July 25. And if you’re interested but concerned you might have to miss some classes, don’t worry — all the lectures will be recorded and posted to a private YouTube playlist so you can watch them whenever you like. Oh, and paid subscribers to the newsletter get 10% off!
Weird Toronto History Is No More
If you tuned in to hear my regular appearance on Newstalk 1010 this week, then you’ll have probably noticed that it didn’t happen. The station has cancelled The Rush, which is the show that I appeared on every Tuesday afternoon to share strange stories from the city’s past. But fear not! It sounds like I might very well be on the airwaves again in another form before long.
Thanks so much to everyone who tuned in for Weird Toronto History every week! It was a fun six months!
I’ll Be Talking About The Circus Riot Next Week
It’s one of the strangest stories in Toronto history and one of my favourite stories to tell: a riot sparked by a brawl between circus clowns and firefighters at a Victorian brothel on King Street. And the tale of The Circus Riot has a lot to teach us about our city and the people who used to rule over it, too.
I’ll be giving a talk about the weird riot as part of The Town of York Historical Society’s annual general meeting on the night of July 17 — that’s next Wednesday. It’s being held at Campbell House (the historic home on the corner of Queen & University). It’s free for members and $20 for non-members.
QUICK LINKS
The best of everything else that’s new in Toronto’s past…
MORE NEWS ABOUT THE FIGHT TO SAVE THE ONTARIO SCIENCE CENTRE — There have been a ton of new articles about the battle over the future of the Science Centre since the last edition of the newsletter, giving us lots of updates and new information… way more than I can keep up with. But here are a few that have caught my attention over the last couple of weeks:
As they continue to get hammered over their decision to suddenly close the Ontario Science Centre despite the fact that the report they used as justification didn’t call for the attraction’s immediate closure, the Ford government has released a second report — which critics point out also doesn’t call for the attraction’s immediate closure. Kristin Rushowy and Robert Benzie report on the report for The Toronto Star here.
The goverment has also sent out a request for proposals to set up a smaller, temporary home for the Science Centre — which, Elsa Lam writes for Canadian Architect here, would cost more than the roof repairs the building currently needs to stay open. She also points out that the Centre’s proposed permament new home at Ontario Place won’t be ready until the early 2030s.
For TVO, John Michael McGrath suggests here that if the provincial government won’t keep the Science Centre open, the City of Toronto should step in. And city council has indeed asked staff to look into it (which Shawn Jeffords wrote about here). It turns out the land isn’t owned by the province; it’s owned by the City and the Toronto and Region Conservation Authority (TRCA). They negotiated a 99-year lease with the province back in 1965 — a deal that only allows the construction of buildings “for purposes of operating as a science centre” and might put a big hitch in any plans to turn the land over to condo developers. Phil Tsekouras wrote about that for CTV News here.
Matt Gurney adds that even if you believe the Ford government’s version of events, it still makes that government seem guilty of obliviousness and neglect here.
Courtney Shea interviewed Sabina Vohra-Miller, one of the philanthropists offering money to help keep the Science Centre open, for Toronto Life here.
And the letter urging the government to reopen it is now approaching 80,000 signatures. You can add your name here, if you agree.
MORE NEWS ABOUT THE FIGHT TO SAVE ONTARIO PLACE — Meanwhile on the waterfront, opponents of the Ford government’s plan to turn a big chunk of Ontario Place into a private megaspa won a victory in court this week. The government has been ordered to halt demolition work pending a legal challenge set to be heard on July 19. Read more.
MORE NEWS ABOUT THE FIGHT TO SAVE THE REVUE CINEMA — Some more good news from the courts! The people fighting to save our city’s oldest movie theatre have not only won their own bid for an injunction, it has now been extended all the way to October. Read more.
The Revue Film Society (the board that operates it) have also launched a fundraising campaign ahead of the legal battle. Allie Gregory writes about it for exclaim! here.
And celebrated director (and Toronto lover) Guillermo del Toro argued in the pages of The Toronto Star that it would be “tragic” to close the theatre here.
WATERWORKS TACOS NEWS — Not all of our city’s great old buildings are under threat. One of the most beautiful relics from the age of Toronto’s finest civic infrastructure has a new use as the new food hall inside the old waterworks at Richmond & Augusta is now open. Craig White wrote about it for Urban Toronto. Read more.
DEAD TORONTONIANS NEWS — Lorna Poplak takes us inside the Necropolis Cemetery to meet some of the most fascinating dead Torontonians you’ll find buried there. Read more.
HERITAGE HAMBURGER NEWS — If you’ve been following my work for a long, long, long time, you probably already know that I’m a big fan of a good guerrilla history plaque. One recently appeared outside the notorious McDonald’s at Queen & Spadina. And now we know who did it. Read more.
SHAMEFUL HALLOWEEN NEWS — For TVO, Jamie Bradburn writes about one of our city’s most hateful holiday traditions: the homophobic attacks on Halloween drag balls in the 1960s and ’70s. Read more.
DEFECTING BALLERINO NEWS — He also shares the story of how the famous ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov defected from the Soviet Union during the Bolshoi Ballet’s visit to Toronto in 1974. Read more.
TORONTO HISTORY EVENTS
THE HISTORY OF CANADIAN WOMEN PILOTS AND OTHER AIRBORNE SUPERSTARS
July 16 — 2:30pm — Mount Pleasant Library
“Discover how Canadian women broke through the sky blue ceiling as Dr. Elizabeth Muir discusses her book, Canadian Women in the Sky: 100 years of Flight.
It took 100 years from the time the first woman flew in a plane until the first woman entered the International Space Station. Learn about the female pioneer balloonists, parachutists, glider, blimp and helicopter pilots who struggled to become aviators along the way.”
Free with registration!
ROARING ’20s GARDEN PARTY
July 21 — 12pm — Spadina House
“You're invited to a Roaring 20's garden party at Spadina Museum! Bring your picnic basket or purchase food from onsite vendors to have a bite in the picturesque gardens. Enjoy live musical performances, get creative with hands-on artistic workshops, explore vintage and artisanal vendors and discover Spading Museum's architectural charm with a guided tour. Don't forget your dancing shoes for the swing dance lessons.”
$25
UPRISINGS & UPSETS — WALKING TOUR
July 26 — 10:30am — Meet at St. James Cathedral — Town of York Historical Society
“In this walking tour, join us as we explore some of the major riots, uprisings, and upsets that occurred in the Town of York and the early City of Toronto throughout the 18th and 19th centuries, and the outcomes that led to lasting societal and political changes.”
$17.31 for members; $22.63 for non-members.
EMANCIPATION DAY AT FORT YORK
August 1 — 4pm to 8pm — Fort York
“Celebrate the historical and cultural legacy of Emancipation Day with the Ontario Black History Society! Experience an evening of performances, food, music, art and presentations from some of Toronto's diverse black communities.”
Free!
TORONTO GONE WILD
Until August 3 — Wednesday to Sunday from 12pm to 4pm — Museum of Toronto
“Toronto Gone Wild explores the city as a multi-layered habitat — starring the animals, plants, and insects that call Toronto home. Venture through different Torontonian terrains from city streets to burrows, hives, and nests, all seamlessly woven together in our downtown exhibition space. You’ll emerge with a renewed appreciation for the interconnectedness of life in the city.”
Free!
THE TORONTO HISTORY LECTURE: REBUILDING THE BODY IN WWI TORONTO
August 6 — 7:30pm — Online — Toronto Branch, Ontario Genealogical Society
“At the end of the First World War, wounded soldiers were coming home in huge numbers, and the country was scrambling for space to treat them all. By 1919, the Christie Street Hospital opened in a renovated cash register factory. Kristen den Hartog’s 2024 Toronto History Lecture gives us a glimpse of this fascinating place, of its diverse group of patients and staff, and the role it played in Toronto’s rich history.”
Free with registration!
HERITAGE TORONTO WALKING TOURS
Until October
“Through our events, including tours, community discussions, the Heritage Toronto Awards, and more, Heritage Toronto engages the public to reflect on the city’s heritage.”
Usually $9.85
Love the eulogy!
This eulogy is remarkable - quite a feat to pull off something so worthwhile and meaningful and fun given that it is about a raccoon (that you don’t know).